‘Behaving our way into a new way of thinking and feeling is easier than thinking our way into a new way of behaving’ (Various)
In my 1-1 sessions with clients, we focus on what they can do in terms of their
– thinking
– behaviours
to make more/the most of themselves, to achieve their goals and live more of the life that they want to.
Typically, they’d like to change something about themselves – a pattern of behaviour, a habit, thinking or behaviour-wise – that they’ve got into that’s getting in the way of this.
Examples of the sorts of things that they’re aiming to do more of, or less of, relate to issues of self-confidence, assertiveness, achieving (personally/professionally), motivation, overthinking, worry, lifestyle, general wellbeing.
Replacing an old behaviour or habit requires practice and repetition of course. In achieving this, what we’re doing is establishing a new neuronal pathway in our brains so that the old pathway becomes redundant, due to lack of use, and ‘withers on the vine’. Our new behaviour/learning is established and reinforced and becomes automatic – we become ‘unconsciously competent’ – over time. And yes, it can take quite some time and effort!!
So taking action is required, since change is less likely to happen if we only understand and accept things on an intellectual level, without actually acting, and as a result experiencing what change feels like and can do for us.
We’re acknowledging too that if we put off making a change, and wait for the motivation to arrive to take action, the chances are that it never will, and the change won’t occur. Once we actually start taking action, motivation can follow.
Commitment, rather than motivation then, is the most important feature for us to consider for forming a new habit. It’s likely to dictate whether or not we carry through with it.
Some factors which can help improve our chances of persisting, and achieving:
- Plan it, in stages if appropriate, and reflect on what you’ll do to overcome any hurdles
- Tell someone what you’re going to do
- Depending on the goal in mind, do you know anyone who might join you, and set the same ‘challenge’ as you? This can constitute a great encouragement and provide extra motivation
- Celebrate small ‘victories’ as you go along
To avoid feeling daunted and overwhelmed, try not to compare where you’re at today with where you’re trying to get to, and how far you have to go. Rather, break things down, and set milestones along the way.
Click on the pic to download and use this form for yourself. (It’s in Word format, so you can input into it directly).
To encourage you, note down the benefits that will accrue by taking action, why you’re doing it, what you’re going TOWARDS and AWAY FROM.
As above, what we’re aspiring to is a situation in which this new behaviour or habit just becomes automatic and something that you do (and you see yourself – you define yourself – as someone who thinks and behaves in this way).
We’re exploring here how important our beliefs about ourselves and our capabilities, our self-image and self-perception are, as they can either assist us or get in the way when it comes to forming or changing a habit.